ah choo

This morning reminds me of a small town called Forks. Sounds familiar? Yeah, the whole Twilight story was based in Forks. The sky was dark and gloomy, and it drizzled from time to time. Couldn't stop sneezing the whole day since I didn't get my usual dose of vitamin D as there wasn't enough sunshine. I was cold, inside and out. During my piano lesson, a normal piece that takes about 15 minutes to finish took me more than 20 minutes instead. Why? Cause I couldn't stop sneezing. I think I sneezed more than 10 times in one page. Seriously. It was non-stop 'ah choo ah choo ah choo' all the way. Sighs. I need more sunlight.

-Nic-

Monkeys and Elephants

It's raining almost everyday here. I love the wind, but not the rain. The feeling of the wind blowing through the hair is just wonderful, but having your hair soaked with rain after you just pampered it with shampoo, conditioner and a nice blow-dry is NOT wonderful. I wanted to go and check out some stuff but couldn't cause it was raining monkeys and elephants. Hmph.

Tomorrow's the last day of school. I guess I really have to go this time cause I missed almost the whole week AND I need to collect my textbooks. Crap.

-Nic-

haha

Finals are over. Thank goodness. I think I need to start doing something with my life. I'm so lifeless. I'm just lazing around the whole day. Pfft.

Anyway, nothing. Yeah. Sorry bout that. Oh, my throat hurts btw. Haha.

-Nic-

What's Next?

Tomorrow's the frist day of my finals and I'm still sitting here instead of studying. I guess I'd really deserve it if I failed, right? Sighs. Anyway, Adam Lambert's concert. I heard that it was amazing. Sold out. The best. But, when I picked up the newspaper the next day, I was really, unhappy? I dont know. Disappointed? Frustrated? Embarrassed? I still can't find a word to describe how I felt. Feel.

We're supposed to be an open-minded country, right? Then, why in the world did you protest during the concert? That's just really humiliating. What do you think you'll get from protesting about him performing in our country? Nothing! Or was your aim to tarnish the country's image? Well, congrats then. Cause that's exactly what you've done. Good job. Adam Lambert performing here in our country is something we should be proud and happy about. Not...whatever you people think. Sure, he's gay. So what? What's wrong with being gay? FYI, he did not choose to be one. That's his nature. Protesting just because he's gay is just so unfair. Hello? I bet there are hundreds and thousands of gays and lesbos in our country. What are you gonna do, huh? Cast them out of the country. Discriminate them? What happened to all your moral values? Chances of non-gay people becoming gay just because some celebrity who's a gay comes to perform are one in a million. How in the country going to improve if we all think just like you? We'll be a laughing stock to the world. How many concerts have we banned? And why? Because they wear leotards, mini skirts, they're gay, their music is not suitable? You wanna know something funny? While watching a local production the other day, I saw those women wearing just a sarong and I was like "Wa, can wear like that one meh?" Mum looked at me and told me that back in those days, that was exactly what the kampung people wear. A sarong wrapped around them. Just like how I wrap myself with my towel after I take a bath. So, what happened then? You tell me.

You protest against Adam Lambert for performing in the country. Do you know how much we'll lose if he never comes again? If nobody wants to perform here again because of that incident?



-Malaysia, truly Asia? FAIL.
Why? I'll tell you why. Have you ever thought, that by having a celeb like Lambert performing in our country, tourist would come and visit us? I know that his die hard fans will definitely do anything just to watch him perform. Lambert didn't stop at every country in Asia for his tour. So, the fans who are in the countries that are not included in his tour will come to the countries who are included in his tour. OUR COUNTRY. And, after or before the concert, maybe those fans, who will also be tourists, will have a look-see around the country. See the beauty of the earth. What does that mean? Our tourism sector will improve la! But, what happened? Smart people think they're so smart, go and protest. So, how? Less world class performers want to come here. Then what will happened? Figure it out.

-Less income for the country.
Why? When those fans (tourists) come to our country, they usually stay here for a while, right? That means we get more income. How? Obviously, when foreigners come, they need a place to stay. They need food and drinks. They buy souvenirs. They visit our malls. They visit the tourist spots. They are spending money in our country. What does that mean? It means WE GET MORE MONEY. But, now? Too bad.

-The country's image? GONE.
Let's see. First, there was all the racial problems which caused a huge stir. Hopefully it's settled now. Then, there was the shooting of the 9 pedigree dogs who were innocent, WHICH, until now, I still can't forgive those people. Yeah, I'm talking bout you BASTARDS. 6 Rottweilers, 2 Dalmations and a Bulldog. DEAD. Just like that. And why? Because those brainless bastards killed them. You say that they were aggresive? Bullshit. Even a child can tell that dalmations are not aggresive. You say that they attacked animals from the farm? They were starving for goodness sake! What? You expect them to go to the neighbour, knock on the door and say "Hey, I'm from the farm next door. My owners killed someone and they were taken away by the cops. So, nobody's been feeding us. Mind giving some food?" Is that what you think the poor dogs should have done? I bet you would have done the same thing if you were in that condition. The only difference is that you'll probably barbeque the meat before eating because your pea-sized brain told you so. Those dogs had every reason to be aggresive. They were starving, and their teritory was being intruded by strangers. They were just fending for themselves. They just wanted food. They just wanted to survive. But, what happened? Idiots who probably dont even have brains the size of a pea SHOT THEM DEAD. I'm disgusted. Sometimes, when I think about this, I feel ashamed. Why? I can't tell you here. Ask me personally if you really don't know. But you should probably know what I'm saying. So, the poor dogs problem caused an international outrage. Then, what happens next? They protest against gay people performing here. Yeah. What a way to promote the country's image. A huge round of applause.

I wonder what's next.

There's so much more that I want to type, but, unfortunately, I have to go and study. I still haven't finished memorising my moral values (which I doubt will be of any use since the people I thought I respect don't even possess a quarter of what we learnt from those values in their lives, thus making me lose all my respect for them) for the exam. Good luck to everyone out there.

-Nic-

forever and always

Been really lazy these days. I just don't feel like doing anything. But I finished NickyyNick. =)





Anyway, went back to Lick Hung on Saturday (2.10.10) to celebrate mooncake festival with everyone. Felt really good stepping in there. It's been so long since I last saw the inside of those buildings.





Met some of the 6D/2006 peeps who came. I didn't realise how much I've missed them til I saw their faces. I guess maybe being in the school added to the emotional thing. Still. I love these people. In fact, I'll make sure that when I grow old, say maybe 50 or 60 or older, I'll still remember all their names. Yeah, I'll do that.

6D/2006

Best friends, forever and always.

-Nic-

Now...

This medidating crap really works, surprisingly. At least I don't curse that much now. I should continue this routine until the end of SPM cause I'm sure that all those stress will make me curse more.

Anyway, skipped school yesterday due to food poisoning. Pfft. My immune system's getting weaker each day. Ish.

I feel like there's nothing much to blog about these days, or maybe I'm just getting lazier and lazier. Hah. So, exams are postponed. Yay not? Good thing is, there's more time to prepare for the exam, though I don't study. So, it's kinda just crap to me. Bad thing? I can't skip school before the holidays. UGH. Why la they have to go and push it so far away?

Now I have to stress out for a longer time cause my exam's later.
Now I have to miss all those extra holidays I was planning to take.
Now I'm gonna have to cancel all my plans.
Now I'm gonna miss Deepavali.
Now I'm gonna get more white hair.
Now I'm gonna get more wrinkles.
Now I'm gonna age faster and therefore die faster.
NOW I'M ANNOYED.

Seriously. ME NO HAPPY SMILEY.

-Nic-

Whadaya know...

...school wasn't that bad after all. Maybe it's cause there's only 4 subjects today, but still, I'm happy.

I think I really need to do some meditation now. Get rid of all the negative stuff and fill myself with more positive thoughts and energy. All those chi and stuff. Really. I've been so negative and vulgar these days I even surprise myself. Perhaps I should try some yoga and relaxation stretches thingi at home. Yeah, I might just do that. I can imagine myself already sitting in that lotus position and humming ohm...ohm...ohm... for about 30 minutes each day. Yeah. Maybe I'll do that. Haha.

-Nic-

Heartless beasts.

I really really really hate it when people are being cruel. Just open any paper these days and you'll see that there's another abandoned baby somewhere. Each time I read these, I really feel like grabbing those idiots by the collar and shout right in their face. I mean, what's wrong with your head? That's a freaking life you're throwing for goodness sake! That baby could grow up to be a prodigy, a good leader, a person who might save thousands of lives and you're just throwing it away like that? What if that baby was you, what would your world be like? NOTHING. You know why? CAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD. You don't have a chance at all you grow up and see the world thanks to your irresponsible parent(s). You had a chance to live, don't you think those babies deserve just the same?

You think that by throwing the baby away, all your problems are solved. Why, did you grow up consuming nothing but shit and piss? Helloo? Technology and trace everything right back to you, idiot. But it's too late by then because most of the babies are probably dead already. You're really that scared of a little baby? Afraid that people will scorn at the sight of you and spit at you when you're crossing the road? Tell you what, people WILL do that when they find out that you're one of those idiots who threw the baby away. KILLER. Ashamed? Embarassed? Why? If you're so worried about all these up to the point where you'd throw a life away, why in the world did you do it anyway? It's as easy as pie. No sex, no baby. And if you really can't control your sexual desires, ever heard of contraceptive pills? Diaphragm? Or the one everyone knows, condom? Or if you're that lazy to use one of those and you don't want a baby, go to the doctor and ask them to operate you. You can then go around screwing everyone without worrying that you'll get pregnant/get someone pregnant.

Stupid killer. You're destroying a life. Fuck you.

Videos of fuckers who think that they're so damn fucking smart by abusing a poor animal and fucking recording it are circulating around the net. I'm sorry for my language but I'm just really pissed off. I hate it when people are cruel to animals. You think animals have no feelings? You think animals don't have a life? Well, FUCK YOU. Why, does throwing puppies into the river, or kicking a poor defenseless puppy, putting fireworks into it's mouth and lighting it up, hitting it with poles, putting the pole on it's neck and jumping on it, or stepping on a kitten with stilettos, or chaining a dog until it bleeds..etc, does it all seem that fun to you? How about we turn it the other way round, how do you like it then you heartless bastard. These animals you tortured, killed, are not animals. You're the animal. Scratch that. You're not even an animal because animals have more compassion and feelings. I don't even know if the word beast describes you. Fuck you.




School's staring tomorrow. Now I miss the holidays. I don't think I can even wake up in time let alone hop out of bed and drag myself to school. Heck, I haven't even done my homework. Screw it.

-Nic-

wtf.?!

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=bb4_1283184704



WHAT THE FUCK. Seriously, I hope this bitch gets run over and dragged for 400m by a 1000 tonne truck, abandoned by the side of a road where nobody gives a damn thought about her until some psycho freak sex maniac passes by and rapes her before he tortures her with a barbed wire pole and then throws her into the river just like what she did to those pups.

Dear puppies, rest in peace.


I know I'll probably go to hell for cursing someone so badly. But, honestly, I hate it when people are cruel to animals. There's a whole lot more I'd like to say but then, I'd rather keep it to myself. Don't want people to think I'm some crazy freak. Still, I hate her. HATE her. God forgive me.

-Nic-

Just Dance

Nothing much to blog about my life cause mine is a boring one. But, these videos are definitely NOT boring. Enjoy.










Amazing, ain't it?

-Nic-

Random

I was really bored, and I was thinking if I should go to school tomorrow cause I still have that stupid migraine and crap. So, I decided to modify Hilary Duff's 'Little Voice' into something cause I was really really REALLY bored. So, yeah. Let me know what you think. =)

Little Voice - Nic's version

I don't know why but I keep on

Asking all these questions though I am through

Thinking if I should go to school

Or should I stay at home and read some books

I keep hearing this voice in my head

And it's saying go ahead.

A little voice in my head tells me that I should skip

Tomorrows lessons in school cause I ain't gonna keep

My books and pack my school bag, I just gave it a kick

A little voice in my head tells me that I should stay home and sleep.

Each time I think about the flight of

Stairs I have to climb to get to my class

The teachers and lectures and the homeworks

They make me wanna stay home, watch War of the Worlds

And the thought of the weather so hot

Makes me not wanna go at all.

A little voice in my head tells me that I should skip

Tomorrows lessons in school cause I ain't gonna keep

My books and pack my school bag, I just gave it a kick

A little voice in my head tells me that I should stay home and sleep.

But still it's kinda cool, cause I've got friends in school

Who makes me laugh until I cry

But I still don't know why.

A little voice, a little voice.

A little voice in my head tells me that I should skip

Tomorrows lessons in school cause I ain't gonna keep

My books and pack my school bag, I just gave it a kick

A little voice in my head tells me that I should stay home and sleep.

A little voice, A little voice.

So, how is it? Let me know, kay? BIG HUGS *smiles*

-Nic-

It's a f..f..

..freakishly cold evening.

At times like this, all I want to do is just go home, take a hot shower, slip into my warm jammies and curl up in bed. But, no. I had to go for piano lessons. And you have no idea how cold it was in the car. Should have brought my sweater along, but I was like 'oh, nevermind. i wont freeze to death' Truth is, if I stayed in there for the whole night, you guys would probably find my frozen corpse rotting in there. I mean, seriously. I knew it would be cold, but not THAT cold. Ish. Each time I go out to the living room, I'll turn and hide in the study, cause it's warm here. I didn't even care that the rendang was burning hot and that I burnt my tongue. I didn't even realise that my cup was too hot to hold cause my hands were ice cold.

So, after dinner I went up to take a shower. I didn't realise that the water temperature was too high until I saw the steam on the mirror and my pinkish-red skin. I scalded myself. How smart. But then, the moment I turn the shower off, I'll turn it on again cause it's just so cold. Burning hot water seemed like a good idea to me then. Still, I had to get out and get dressed or else I'll get old lady fingers and toes. Finally, nothing like a warm and cozy old jammie. I felt so much more better after that though my nose still felt like ice to me.

Why must it be so cold at night? Can't it be like that when we're all in school where it's mad hot and everyone's sweating like a cow? Anyway, while keeping the clothes in the cold wind, I suddenly thought: how do those people sleep through the night without their clothes on? I mean, those who sleep alone. For those who sleep with their lovers they won't freeze to death cause there's heat transfer between their bodies and they'll eventually reach thermal equilibrium (see? I paid attention during physics *grins*) and have a warm night. But, there are those who sleep alone, stark naked. I wonder how they do it. Sometimes even my jammies and blanket aren't enough to keep me warm, I have to wear my sweater or something else. Them? There's nothing besides the blanket. Won't they like shiver through the night or sneeze non-stop or something? Really makes me wonder. One day, if I happen to know anyone like that, I'll definitely ask. Or maybe if YOU're one of them and you're reading this right now, mind telling me? I would really appreciate it. Or maybe I'll learn that in physics someday.

Blisters blisters blisters. My poor lil' toes. =(

-Nic-

Lately

A few things happened these days. Some expected, and some, not so expected.

I really thought that yesterday night would be my last lesson. But, last minute changes. I'm gonna continue, at least til the end of intermediate. Took me such a long time to think things over. I really was going to stop. But, it's hard to let go of something that I've been doing since before I could really speak. It's been like, 13-14 years? Yeah. I'm not ready to let go yet. And, I don't want to go back there someday and have some random girl standing next to me who says that she's gonna quit and I'll be like "WHY? DONT QUIT!" and the girl will be like "why?" and I'll be like "You'll regret. Trust me, cause I do". Nope. I don't want that to ever happen. No way. So, yeah. I ain't gonna stop. *smiles*

Anyway, I'm gonna tone down a lil in choir next year. Tone down as in no more competitions, extra practices and pres thingi. Why?

~ I made a deal with my mum. Yes, sacrifices.
~ SPM
~ I'm not sure if I can completely commit myself next year.

Oh, and I passed my my add maths with a B. Yays.

More things are gonna happen. It's just a matter of time. Oh wells, we'll just wait and see.

-Nic-

Dance, Dance, Dance

7th Aug

Had what would most probably be my last concert. It was amazing. A night to remember forever. I forgotten how much I enjoyed being onstage, dancing. I barely remembered the feeling of it all. Feeling nervous backstage before our turn, screaming and cheering like crazies, the audience clapping, everything. I'm really going to miss it all.

Performed in the Opening, Glitz and Glam, and the Finale. Had like, 3 inches think of make up on my face and a whole head of hairspray. I can't believe that this would be my last performance. After 13-14 years of dancing, this is the end. I can't even let go of 4 years of choir, but I'm actually leaving behind my so many years of dance experience. I'm going to leave the place that I partly grew up in.

By the way, I didn't really get lost on the way there. Godma was a lifesaver. Mum wanted to turn at every turning there is. If Godma wasn't there, I'll probably still be finding my way home now. Maybe I'll be in Seremban buying some food for those people. Oh, I also brought my Physics notebook along cause the map that my friends drew for me was at the back of the book.Heh. And, oh, See Yeng came with me to the concert! *BIG smile* Aunty Elsie had one extra ticket so, yeah. =)

And, all those who have danced with my through the years, I love you guys. You're such awesome people.

8th August

Took part in the Subang Parade Patriotic Choir Competition. Was supposed to be in school by 9am but I woke up only at that time. Hah. So much for being punctual. We won the 2nd place. First was DJ, 3rd was Seksyen 16 if I'm not mistaken. So, yeah. Congrats to everyone. =)

School tomorrow. I really prefer saturday school now cause it's so fun. Heh.

-Nic-

Same Ol', Same Ol'

So, after piano today, mum was like "so how's your results?" First thing that came into my mind was I SO did not not fail chinese! Of course, I didn't say that out loud. I haven't even told her yet. Ugh. Stinking chinese. Why does it have to be so freaking hard? I mean, Jane Austen's been dead for a couple of centuries but I still understand her old-fashioned english. I just don't get what chinese people meant in the olden days. It's just so confusing. First, I thought this person was hacking the other, but then, turns out it's the other person who's hacking this person. Confusing. Ugh. Good thing is, I passed my physics, history, maths and maybe add maths. *smiles* I sometimes feel that add maths is easier than maths and vice versa. Hah.

Anyway, mum popped the question again. "What are you going to do after this?" How was I supposed to answer that? I mean, hellooo? I'm the idiot here who changes my mind every few seconds. Okay, not seconds, I'm just exaggerating as usual. But, so far, I've stuck my mind on music. But then, medic suddenly sounds like a nice path. Not that I'm gonna go that way since I'll probably end up killing one of my patients by accident if I become a doctor. No way. I don't wanna get sued like MJ's doc. Still, being a pharmacist, nurse or a doctor is kinda cool. You get to save lives. Or maybe a marine biologist. I love dolphins. And, the underwater world looks really interesting and mysterious, not to mention pretty. I used to wonder where'd all those colourful stuff come from when I watched The Little Mermaid and I actually hoped that I'll see one someday. (Still hoping) Anyhoo, I just don't like the sharks cause each time I watch Jaws, I'd imagine myself being torn and eaten by that shark. But I read or saw somewhere that there's more dangerous creepy monsters down there waiting for the chance to grab some unlucky fella and gobble them up. Pfft.

So, once again, I'm facing the same problem. What am I really gonna do after this? I definitely don't wanna waste my time going to NS. I don't wanna be a soldier. Besides, I'm not really the work-out-like-mad kind of person. So, yeah. Forget it. Ezcema should be a good enough excuse to get me out of that shit if I'm really that unfortunate to be chosen. There's so many examples for me to follow in my family. I mean, there's the arts and there's the science people. I have relatives in the medic line who are really close to me, and some really really far. And by far, I mean Norway. Then, there's the arts, as in business, and music. But that one's in Canada. Business person is still here next to me. And then, there's the educators, who are like, the super patient kind of people. I'm not that patient, so asking me to teach a whole class of hooligans is probably just asking me to give then hell cause that's probably what I'd do especially when I'm in a bad mood. Not that I'd be a school teacher either, I don't want to be hated by a whole bunch of students cause when they hate you, they really hate you. Trust me. I'm one of them. So, what AM I gonna do? Any ideas? I'm like, turning 17 next year, which is SPM year, which is also the year where I should start deciding which path I should take, which is ALSO the year where I can legally drive. *big grins* Heh. Gosh, I seriously need to start thinking bout my future. *smacks bead*

Oh, btw, I hate the weather. It's damn freaking hot. I could probably put an aluminium foil on the ground and start cooking some chickens.

-Nic-

Blah

Abandoned my blog for such a long time. Gosh. Anyway, went to SK USJ 2 to help Nad with the carnival and stuff. Lesson learnt: never ever volunteer to help her, EVER.

Anyhoo, I've got good news. I FREAKING PASSED MY PHYSICS!! Lol. I'm just so happy that I passed. *grins* And, I passed my theory exam too. Yay. Been kinda busy these days. School, tuition, piano, ballet, choir, assignments and crap. Sighs.

I don't really have much to blog about actually. See how boring my life is? I'm just glad that exam's finally over and I can have some fun. I seriously need to go out. Like, seriously. And, oh. I finally watched Eclipse the other day. It was okay I guess. Not to say really bad, but, yeah. My heart didn't go thumping mad like the way it did in Twilight when I saw Rob Patt. He's just wayyy too pale now. It's like they over bleached him or something. Taylor was kinda hot, though his muscles are still huge to me. Creepy. And, Kristen's hair looks nicer this time. Lol. The new Victoria? Yeah, she's pretty. But she looks so innocent. If I didn't know, I would have thought that Riley was the mastermind behind everything that happened. Dakota's stunning as usual.

Okay, I'm tired now. Tomorrow's Nad's big day. So, yeah. I need to sleep. Nites!

-Nic-

Breathe.

Okay, my blog's like, totally dead. But I have a really really good reason. I've just been to busy thinking what I'm so busy about that I couldn't find time to blog at all. So, yeah. Anyway, hols are wayyy over. Sorry lah, no time to blog ma. So, what I did during the hols: eat, sleep, study a lil and rot.

School's already started for quite some time, tried catching up with the work I've abandoned for so long. So far, it's working a lil. At least I'm trying to do my bm and I'm doing more add maths now. So, holidays was okay for me I guess. Hectic and tiring, but, yeah. First week was MCE, then trinity exam and back to Juru for Grandma's 49 days thingi. Oh, and we got a distinction for our trinity exam. *smiles* AND, I got my ballet results back too, and am really REALLY happy with it. *double smiles*

Been kinda torn in between recently cause I have like such a huge dilemma. PDA concert, Faust and competition. I can't go for all of them because..

1) I can't split myself into 3 and I don't have a twin/triplets.
2) I just don't have enough time. I'm already dragging my AT exam to next year cause I haven't practiced enough. No way can I score good results if I take it this year. So, one year wasted. Sighs.
3) I'm tired of fighting with my mum over it. I've been fighting since form 1 and I'm sick and tired of it. You have no idea how much it hurts. Besides, mum's getting old. I can't fight with her forever and not think about her health.
4) It's my last performance. My last rehearsal. My last dance.
5) It's probably a once in a lifetime chance and I'm kinda throwing it away. Geez. I feel like I'm throwing a part of my body away and I'm never gonna get it back.

But, I think some of the problems are solved FOR NOW. I don't know what gonna happen in the future. And, they've left us. I'll miss them dearly. Hopefully they'll come back. And, oh, it feels kinda weird when I don't attend practices. I don't know why, but I just feel like something's missing. Hmm. Anyhoo, concert rehearsals are on. Hopefully everything's gonna be okay cause this concert will be a part of me forever. Well, at least that's what people usually say. The last dance is the one that remains forever. I don't know if I'll remember when I grow old and get Alzheimer's Disease cause I'm already so forgetful now although I'm just 16. Sighs.

By the way, I failed my add maths again. AND, physics. Wtf. How am I supposed to take my SPM like that? Die la. My studies really dropped like mad. Ish. Can't even score an 80 for english. I miss primary now. Sobs.

-Nic-

Doopedywhoop

I'm actually just trying to see if it works. Using my phone to blog now cause I accidentally found out that I have access to internet. So, yeah.

-Nic-

.

Just a quick one for now cause it's almost 2 and I'm still sitting here. Anyway, I never get bored of this song. He's amazing. Such nimble fingers. It's like they're alive. Gosh.

Think he's awesome? I do. Listen to this kid play.

And to think that he's only 7. Gosh. I just started playing the piano when I was 7 and he's like, WOW. Anyway, nites. everyone. =)

-Nic-

I failed..

..add maths. And, I'm probably gonna fail my 3 sciences too. And oh, not forgetting, chinese aural.

I just don't get it. Why can't I speak my own mother tongue which I've been learning eversince I was 4 without stammering? I can speak it fine with my friends, but standing out there, my legs feel like nothing but jelly, literally. They just kept on shaking and wobbling. Even after going back to my seat, they were still trembling. I was THAT scared. And, I couldn't memorise everything cause I kinda found that article last-minute, and I couldn't even memorise 2 sentences of peribahasa, let alone a whole essay. Kept looking at the book, and I didn't even look at the people infront of me. All i remember seeing when I was out there was the book and the table. I actually needed the table to support myself. Everything just didn't go right today. You guys think that you did horrible? Look at what I did. Now, THAT was horrible. Sighs.

Just came back from KLPAC. Congrats Team B. I'm proud of you guys. Whatever the results are, you all did such a great job. You should be happy and proud of yourselves. But don't forget humble. =)

-Nic-

?

Good news - mid-year exam's over.

Bad news - I'm gonna flunk all of them.



I finally finished chapter 1 of my story after abandoning it for so long. And, I found my diary which I've also abandoned for more than a year. Feels good writing again. Story and song writing - amazing. I didn't know that it'll be so addictive.

I can't wait for the holidays to come. Not that I'll be going anywhere or doing much. So many lessons to attend to, and I only get to spend 2 nights with my relatives in Juru cause I couldn't go back earlier. Sobs.

Nothing much to blog about. I'm lazy, heh. Oh, btw, today was the last day of exams. Guess what time did I wake up? I have to be in school by 7.30am. I woke up only at 7.19am. Overslept much. Thank goodness mum woke up just in time. Literally jumped out of bed yelling ''OMG, SHIT!'' right infront of my mum. Gosh. Tomorrow's Wesak Day, which also means holiday! Yays. Okay. I'm really tired now. Nites everyone. And Happy Wesak Day.

-Nic-

Now..

...where's that gun when I need it?

I screwed up. I'm SO dead now. Gah. Seriously, did I just get dumber and stupider? I'm probably gonna get last in class now. Stupid. Couz asked me who did I want to shoot with the gun, and I said there are a few people on my list, but the one right that the top says 'NICOLE CHAN'. Which is true. I really should shoot myself for being such an idiot.

Finished two songs this week. DURING EXAM. Which probably shows what a good student I am. Writing songs during exam. Huh. And, I wasn't even done with my paper yet. I just couldn't crack an answer out, so I decided to continue writing my song instead. Then, when I finally thought of some answer to crap in, I'll resume my paper. Damn, I'm gonna fail realy bad.

12 down, 10 more to go.

-Nic-

Exams

It's already started. Damn you, exams. 10 days, a total of 22 papers, thanks to chinese.

I'm still looking for that shotgun I always talk about. I mean, if I think of it, imagine it and dream of it so much, it should be somewhere here, right? Then where the hell is it??! I need that gun now. Sighs. I screwed up todays papers. Dammit.

2 down, 20 more to go.

-Nic-

Attack of the Laziness

It feels weird going back to school after a whole week of unofficial break. I feel so much more lazier these days. I don't even feel like dragging myself out of bed in the morning like I used to. I'll just lie there for 5 minutes, and another 5 minutes, and another 5 minutes...until it's late. Which probably explains why I'm always almost late to school these few weeks. I just got lazier. That's all. Good thing my house is near to the school. I could start wearing my shoes at 7.25am, walk out of the gate at 7.27 or 7.28am, and still make it to school in time. There were a few times when the last bell rang the moment I stepped in. Hah. If only my house was a lil bit more nearer. Then, instead of walking 17 houses to get there, the distance would be much shorter. Then, I'll get to sleep longer or laze around the house for another minute.

Homeworks. Ugh. The hell to the person who invented homeworks. Do rot in piss. Do you have the slightest idea how much stress and trouble you've cause us people? Do you? DO YOU??! I hate you.

Exams are starting soon. And by soon, I mean this Friday. Pfft. 22 papers to sit for, 10 days of heaven and hell. Heaven, cause I don't have to torture my poor back by carrying an elephant up 4 floors everyday. And, there won't be classes. Well, at least, not much. Teachers won't have time to teach. Hell? Cause they're exams. And I have to study my ass off if I don't wanna fail again this term. I really really really don't want to fail. I don't mind getting a mere 40 to pass. Just, PLEASE, don't let me fail again. Dear Lord, please. If you could hear me, I don't wanna fail. Not only will D give me a nice knock on the head (which would probably result in me getting dumber, thus increasing the chances of me failing more subjects in the future, which I think, is not a very smart way to make us pass), I'll probably shoot myself in the head if I fail again. Then, it'll be bye-bye beautiful yet horribly polluted world for me. And, I haven't really started studying yet. Just great. I'll probably have to get that shotgun this weekend. Need to get things ready.

I can't wait for the holidays to come. I really really really miss my cousins now. I so wanna go back there. I wonder what would things be like if I hadn't joined choir in form 1. Would my schedule be this hectic? Join, a lil bit regret. Don't join, a regret so huge that it'll last me 2 lifetimes. So how? A lil bit regret better right? If I can survive this, I'll definitely survive the outside world and whatever boss I might have in the future, be it bossy, annoying, humble, nice, kind, stupid, ridiculous or anything. Unless I be my own boss. Haha. No way is that ever going to happen. I'll probably bancrupt the whole company in less than 3 months.

Oh, uncle said that he'll teach me how to drive when I go back! YAY! I love you so so so much dear uncle!

-Nic-

-

I'm really really really grateful for having such amazing people around me. Thanks everyone for the support and all. I really appreciate it. You guys remind me that I'm not alone in this, and that you'll always be there for me, no matter what happens.

I was just thinking the other day, when I went out with all my cousins for a movie: Why do I love them?

Why do I love my family?
Cause I know that I can always count on them.

Why do I love my friends?
Cause they're always there for me, no matter how far they are.

Why do I love these people in the car?
Cause they're such awesome people who never fails to make my laugh.

Why do I love them all?
Cause I just do.

Don't worry people. I'm fine, really. Of course, not 100% yet. But, as time passes, I'll learn how to move on. I'm already healing anyway. Still, thanks for the concerns and all. I love you people.

-Nic-

We love you, Grandma. I love you.

One week ago..

She collapsed. They sent her to the hospital immediately. Everyone was worried, but they said it's okay. She'll be fine.



A few days later..

She collapsed again. This time, in the hospital. He couldn't even finish one sentence without breaking down. As a son, he was worried sick. As for us, there was nothing we can do. We had so many on our hands. We couldn't just throw everything and leave.



Thursday..

"We're going back this Saturday. It's Labour Day, that's the only day all of us could go."
"We are?" But, I have choir..
"Yes, why? You got things to do?"
"Uh..not really. I guess." Choir, or Juru?
"If you don't want to go, it's okay. You can stay here and take care of Twinkle and Bell."
"Do you want me to go?"
"Up to you."
"Is Daddy going?"
"Most probably. Do you want to go or not?"

Should I go? I haven't seen our coach in a while, and she just got back from that country. But, if I don't go, I might never..I mean, I might regret. Should I?

Goes on debating in the head. And, finally,

"Okay. I'll go."



Saturday

It was a long journey. Stupid sun was burning my skin. Since I couldn't drive, I spent most of the time sleeping at the back of the car. Finally reached around noon. They took us to the hospital to see her. Everyone had a mask to avoid getting H1N1. Stupid virus.

The lift slowly went up. The only sound in there was the computerised voice. We finally stepped out. When was the last time I stepped into a hospital? 1 year? 2 years? 3? 4? I couldn't remember. It's been a long time. We walked down rows of beds with patients on it. They looked so sad. Why? Cause they're leaving soon? Or they're just really really sad? We finally came to the ICU. The moment I saw her, I didn't know what to do. Even opening the door seemed like an alienated action to me. I don't remember how, but we were already in the room, next to her bed.

"Ma, can you hear me? We're here already. Ah Nee and Ah Chan are here. Can you see them?"
She kept shaking her head from side to side. Is that a yes? Or no?
"Nah, Nadine's here too. And Nicole. Can you see them or not? Faster call Ah Ma."
Mumbles.
"Call louder. She cannot hear you."
"Ah Ma." Can she hear us? I can't even hear myself. I can't even breathe. I..
Stares at us and shakes her head again.
"Don't stand too close. Give her some space."

I didn't know what to do. She looked to weak and fragile. As if the slightest movement would break her into half. Was she always so tiny?

We spent some time with her, and left later.

In the evening, the older ones went. We, the younger ones, stayed at home to watch tv. They didn't want us going to the hospital too ofter. Not a good place to go to, they said. So we ended up watching 5 movies non-stop. Arahan, Avatar, Imagine That, All's Well Ends Well, Little Soldier. They came back for dinner. We couldn't sleep that night. At least, I couldn't.



Sunday

Most of them went out for breakfast. I didn't go cause I slept real late that night. I needed some rest. After they came back, after lunch, after packing, after everything, we went to visit her again.

Some of us stayed in the car. They didn't want us to go in again. Too many germs. So we ended up eating ice creams and joking. Then, the phone rang. She went up first while we stayed. After a while, they came down and took us in. I kept praying that I don't have to go in. Cause if I don't have to go and see her, it means she's still fine. She'll come home. I'll see her at home. If they came for us..

We wore our masks and went in. I kept hugging myself in the lift. Please let her be okay. Please. Just let her be okay. I believe in miracles. Please just let it happen this once in my life. Please. Let her be okay. Please.

But she was not okay. She couldn't breathe right. They had an oxygen mask on her. She couldn't even open her eyes. The only word she said was "Oh". That's all. No shoutings, no nothing. Just "oh". We left. Stopped by in Kampar for dinner as it was late. Throughout the journey, I kept hoping that the phone wouldn't ring. I was dead tired. So sleepy. But each time one of our phones rang, I'll be wide awake. Alert. There was no way I could sleep. The phones rang a few times. But it wasn't about her. Just friends calling. Just work calling.

But, finally, it rang.

"Your grandma passed away."

It took me a while to understand those simple words. Your grandma passed away. Your grandma passed away. Your grandma passed away. Your grandma..

Passed away? As in, dead? Gone? Forever? No..she's..she's..

...dead.

That's it. She's dead. Gone. Grandma's gone. It kept repeating itself in my head. I was the last to cry. It sure took me some time to realise that she's really gone. We were cold. The car was cold. I was cold, in and out. Fingers started dialling numbers to let others know. The only word I could say to them was "She's gone". That's all. Nothing else.

The rest of the journey back was just quiet. Nobody felt like joking anymore. She's gone.

We finally reached home. Just before I went in the house, he asked,

"How's your grandmother?"
"She's gone." Whispers. That's all I could manage.
"I'm sorry. I can't hear you. Wait ah, I'm coming out."
Waits.
"Okay. What did you say?"
"She's gone. She passed away just now." Choked words coming out in pieces. So broken. We were broken. I was broken.

That night was the night I finally cried myself to sleep after so many years. Eversince Bobo died. 11 years? 12 years? It's been a long time.




It's really amazing what the human face can do. All you have to do is put on a mask and tell yourself to act like a pro. Or course, that comes with practise. I didn't cry anymore. Maybe I finished all my tears last night. Maybe I just used up buckets of tears since the phone rang. That's why there's no more left. I couldn't cry anymore. Each time I think about her, I'll cry. But that was last night. Before I slept and woke up with tear stains on my face. That night, just the word 'Ah Ma', 'dead', 'sick', 'gone' was able to send me crying for hours. I woke up earlier and practised infront of the mirror, repeating the words over and over again. Why? Trying to control my emotions. I can't go bursting in tears while I'm in school just because of one word. People would think that I'm a lunatic. It wasn't that hard, really. Just some practise, and I had it. Just put on that mask, and walk out to face the world. It's just that simple.

I actually managed to smile and laugh in school despite the aching hole inside of me. Thanks to my friends, who would always make me laugh everyday. They're probably the reason I've lasted this long in school. I might have to thank them one day for making me live longer. Laughter is a good medicine. Went through the whole day in school without shedding a tear. I'm really proud of myself. I never thought that I would last that long. I almost broke down when she asked me again this morning if I was okay. But I didn't. I almost cried again when teacher mentioned the word 'dead' during Bio. But I didn't. I almost cried when I had to tell the teachers why I couldn't come the whole week. But I didn't. I didn't know that I could actually hold in that long. I didn't even break the sentences.

" I have to go back for the whole week. My grandma passed away yesterday evening. I won't be able to come."

And when people offered their condolences, I just smiled and said 'thank you' or 'it's okay'. When they asked me if I'm really okay, " yeah, I'm fine. Really. Don't have to worry bout me." Boy, I'm good at this.

This is just the beginning. Many people are growing old around me. They'll be gone too one day, and it'll all happen again. Unless I'm gone before them. Maybe a car would just run over me the moment I step out of the gate. Or a piece of the satellite from space might just break off and drop on my head. Who knows. You won't know when death will visit. Until then, I'll just have to put on that same mask each time it happens.



If I hadn't went back that day, I'll probably hate myself til the day I die. She was the best grandmother one could ever have. A grandmother who was so caring and loved everyone in the family so much, equally.

When I was a month old, she actually took a bus all the way from Penang to KL, just to see me and attend the celebration they had for me. She was so sick, pale, green, and sick. But she came. She actually came, when so many didn't. They all came, all the way, just for me. They actually cared for me and my family enough to come. During my birthday, she fed me a chicken drumstick. I know, cause I still have that picture. When we were staying in Penang, she wouldn't mind if I messed up her knitting stuff. She'll just scold us gently and laugh at us. She never hit me. She was always there for us. When she had the stroke, she couldn't walk or talk at first. But she got better. Soon, she could walk real fast with the tongkat and talk real loud. Sad thing is, she was bad tempered. According to the doctor, she was the bad tempered kind of stroke patient. Maybe cause she felt useless and angry. Angry that she was sick. Useless because she couldn't walk freely on her own anymore. She used to travel around alot. She was so daring that she could just take a bus to KL without informing any of her kids, asking strangers for directions. Doing anything just to see us.

I really wanted to celebrate her birthday again this year. I never thought that this day would come so soon. It never crossed my mind. She was so strong during CNY. It was just a while. No more singing and story-telling from her. No more jokes. No more laughter. No more mischievous acts. No more.

87 years. At least she's lived for 87 years. Born in China, spent months on the boat to come to Malaysia with her sisters. She was just 12, and she was struggling so hard for survival. Why? World War II. She was here during the war. Hiding in the forest, eating trees and roots, running from the soldiers, to survive. She finally got married in 1947, and had my aunt the year after that. It's been 87 years. I'd say she lived it well.

At least she's not suffering anymore. Maybe she's already with grandpa up above. I've never even seen grandpa before. He was gone way before I was born. But, I know he's loving. And I know that they're now happy together, watching over us. Rest in peace, grandma.

Appreciate your loved ones and always treasure them, for you'll never know when they'll leave us.

We love you, Grandma. I love you.

-Nic-

Note To God

Watch this.



I cried. Did you?

-Nic-

Memories to keep.

I'll always love these people.

from left: geraldine, nicole, hui xin, trisha, yu hua.
Best Budds. ♥

-Nic-

Toothless!!

You guys should totally watch this video. It's hilarious. Pay attention to the lyrics.







And this. Poor old vampire. Listen to the lyrics.! =)








Oh, and I watched How To Train Your Dragon today. I love and hate the movie. But Toothless is just adorable. Will blog about it when I have the time. Nites everyone!

-Nic-

Barbie and Pokemon

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was sneaking around an office that I'm not familiar with. It looked like some new editors' office from one of those old movies. Why was I sneaking around? I had no idea. I just knew that I had to find that something and get out of there quick. I peeped at the dusty window, there were no teachers. As quiet as I can be, I opened the door on my left and went in. On the table, there was a name plat, Pn. Lim O. L.. Pn Lim? Why am I in her office? Is the stuff that I need in here? Whatever. I was crawling on my knees, afraid that someone might spot me. I'd be doomed if I got caught. Suddenly, Z was right next to me, on the knees too.

Z : What in the world are you doing?
Me : Shhh! They'll hear us.
Z : Who?
Me : The Barbie Dolls. We can't let them know we're here. Why are you here?
Z : We have to go now. It's too dangerous.
Me : No! I have to get the stuff...you haven't answered me yet. Why are you here?
Z : You idiot. Can't you see that I'm trying to save you? We have to go NOW. They're coming.
Me : I can't. Not until I get the stuff.
Z : What stupid stuff could be more important that both of our lives?
Me : I dont know. I'll know it when I see it.
Z : You're not gonna leave with me until you get it, aren't you?
Me : Yes. Now shut up before Barbie comes in.
Z : Fine. I'll wait, but be quick, I don't...
Me : Found it! It's in here..
Z : Just grab it and let's go!
Me : Yeah yeah. There it is..it's a..
Z : What?
Me : It's..it's a..a..it's a..
Z : For God's sake, what the hell is it?
Me : It's..it's a..Pokemon comb..
Z : A WHAT?!
Me : A Pokemon comb. I don't know why..it doesn't make sense at..

GET THEM!!

Z : Shoot, Barbie's here..
Me : Oh no. They brought their hamsters along..we're dead
Z : There's a mouse hole there! A perfect escape route. Run!
Me : Where? Z? Z! Where are you? Where..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That was probably one of the weirdest dreams I ever had. There's more. But I can't really remember now. This 'scene' was the one I remembered most. Why in the world was I sneaking into the teachers office? And Pn Lim? Wth..And how was Z supposed to save me if that idiot just ran off to whatever mouse hole there was, leaving me behind with the Barbie dolls and their hamsters? And, why was I so afraid of Barbie and her hamsters? Seriously. And all that trouble for a POKEMON COMB?! I don't even watch pokemon! Crazy. That fever must have corrupted my brain wires. There were more in that dream. I'm just too lazy to type whatever I could remember out here. Almost everyone I know were in that dream. I must be going crazy. Barbie dolls and pokemon comb. Pfft.

Off to sleep now. I wonder if I'll continue that dream..Sweet dreams everyone.

-Nic-

无聊的时候。。

由于我现在实在是太闷了，就用华语来打部络格吧！你们知不知道，我打这一行字，用了多久的时间呢？如果再加入这行，就大约用了10 分钟左右吧。对不起大家，因为我浪费了你们2 分钟的时间在这里读我所打的废话。但我真的是太闷了，睡不着， 才会在这里浪费大家的时间。哇， 快要15分钟了。我算厉害了吧，至少还可以用华语来打字。哈哈。 好了。大家晚安。拜拜。

-Nic-

♥

I've known them since standard one, so it's been about 10 years now. Two adorable, innocent kids. And 10 years later, we have..

A Model..

and

An Angel..

Sweet and innocent as they were, they've grown into such beautiful young ladies now.

Happy belated birthday (31/3) Hel, and to Kim, happy birthday (2/4). Ah, Sweet Sixteens. Notice that they're just one day apart? April Fool's in between. Heh.

I really don't have much left to say bout that both of you. You've been my best friends eversince forever, and I'm really grateful for that.

Hel, the one who keeps getting hotter and taller each day, and never fails to make people laugh their asses off. You've been such an amazing friend, always there for all of us. Gah, I miss you laa mangosteen. Nobody to call me nipis sayur anymore, and no more pinching and fighting everyday in school. You're just one more year to your driving license now. You're already tall enough to be a model. Ever thought of going to one of those modelling agencies to try out? Or maybe acting..you'd definitely pass.

Kim, still the angel. Heh. You've always been such a sensible and caring friend. It's a good thing you're louder than you used to be now. I remember that you were once the shy and sweet one, now you're just so out-going, but STILL sweet. You're a really really really wonderful friend, do you know that? And, yeah, I've been thinking of all the way my world is blessed because I have a friend like you too.

I ♥ the both of you so so so so SO MUCH. You guys are like, irreplaceble. Oh, and by the way, we seriously need to snap more pictures the next time we go out together. I couldn't find any decent enough picture in my files to post it up here, I had to grab your facebook pictures. One day, okay? We really have to hang out real soon. I've missed you guys so much.

Enjoy your birthdays. You're such awesome people. ♥

-Nic-

1 2 3

1) I failed my add maths. 4 more marks to pass. But, I actually passed my chinese. This calls for a double celebration.

2) Some PI either hates us or love us. Why? Our class report cards are gone. The whole stack. Thank goodness I'm late most of the time. Instead of handing it in before the holidays, I gave it to teacher only after the holidays. Now, only 5 people are safe, including me. The other good students who gave it on time? Adacadabra *poof*

3) Yesterday was Hui Xin's birthday.

To one of the most lala and crazy person I've ever known..

HAPPY belated SWEET 16!

You're finally 16. OLD lady. Heh. Anyway, hope you enjoyed your day. I can't believe that the 5 of us only have another 3 weeks together. I'm really gonna miss you guys mad. Sighs. Have a blast girl, you deserve it, you crazy-lala-freakishly-tall-and-slim-straight-A's-person. We love you.

Why do I even love you? I'm such a fool..

-Nic-

-

I'm SO not ready for school yet. I didn't even get to sleep in late the whole week! Monday theory exam. Tuesday til Thursday choir. Friday piano. Saturday had to visit grandparents. Sunday, well, didn't really got to sleep. Was freezing the whole night cause my blankie's not dry yet. == One whole week GONE. Tomorrow it'll be back to the whole wake-up-bath-brush-teeth-breakfast-get-ready-for-school routine again. NOOOOOOOOO. I hate getting up early for school. HATE IT. Ugh. Why can't school start at 8 or 9 in the morning? That extra 30 minutes of sleep really changes ALOT laa.

-Nic-

Twin Tower

To the girl whose family has already met my family before we were even born..
To the girl I've known since kindergarten..
To the girl who was in my class during kindergarten..
To the girl who attended the same primary school as I did (not same class tho)..
To the girl who used to come to my house every friday after school to play..
To the girl who'd wait in my living room while I take my time bathing upstairs after school..
To the girl who actually joined my so-called T.S.S.S.C when we were just kids..
To the girl who came to Seafield too..
To the girl who joined choir too..
To the girl who is one of the strongest altos I know..
To the girl who studied in the class next to mine..
To the girl who had the same chinese class with me..
To the girl who is now my classmate..
To the girl who is a very good leader..
To the girl who doesn't beat around the bush..
To the girl who has freakishly huge eyes (they're WAYYY BIGGER than mine)..
To the girl who has super long eyelashes..
To the girl who is one of the twin towers..
To the girl who is thinner than me (like a stick, YOU'RE NOT FAT!)
To the girl who was taller than me..
To the girl who is taller than me..
To the girl who will ALWAYS be taller than me..==
To the girl who still looks the same as she does in her kindergarten picture..
To the girl who has been my friend for 12 years and still counting..
To the girl who I'll always love (as a friend)..

HAPPY SWEET 16

LOH SHAO JUN

I'm really sorry, but I don't really have a picture of you alone. One day, I'll make sure I have a picture of you. I will. =)

Anyway, you're finally 16 now. Have a blast. This is your day. Happy birthday.

-Nic-

bla

Not really in a mood to blog now, but, I've got a lil' something to say.

Seriously, how can some like him..

and him..

both, one nerd and one gay, look like this..

this..

and this..??!

Really. He looked so nerdy and he looked so gay! In fact, Chris looked so gay, I was convinced that he was really gay. But, how can they both look so bloody hot?? Gosh. I was so wrong.

-Nic-

3

Theory exam's on monday and I'm not ready yet. Shit. I've already flunked 2 papers, might as well try for a perfect 3, right? If I get lucky, I fail my physics too. Hah. Shit happens everytime. I find that phrase funny. I don't know why, it just makes me laugh when someone says it, or when I say it to myself.

So if I was the one who slammed my freaking head on the ground, you'd just sit there and stare at me, and not do anything too? Such a goddamn caring person you are, I see.

-Nic-

flunked.

I'm so lazy these days, I don't even blog anymore. Exams papers are coming back to haunt me, I need at least another 20 marks to pass my chinese and add maths. Great. That just proves how smart I've become. If I'm lucky, I'll flunk half my subjects by mid term, and every subject by the end of the year. Mum would probably freak and strangle me. Sighs.

It's as if school just started yesterday, but it's already march. How time flies. SPM results were out today, saw so many ex-form 5's back in school. I remember coming to form 1, and they were just form 3. Now they're all going off to college. In a couple more years, it'll be our turn. Then, we'll be working. Then, some might get married, and we'll start receiving wedding invitations. Soon, we'll see little kids running around when we visit our friends. Years later, we'll see their kids go to primary, secondary, and off to college. Then, we'll get the news that their kids got this job, that job. How good the pay is. How happy they are with their jobs. Whose kids have boyfriends/girlfriends already. Then there'll be the wedding invitation again, only this time it'll be from their kids. Then we'll sit down and have some tea while reminiscing the good old times. Hah. Crap. I sound so old.

Projects. Homework. EXAM. GOSH. It's like I never get a break from anything. School exams may be over, but I've still got my theory exam, which is less than a week away. Monday. DIE. Then, concert practice might be starting real soon. The concert's in June fyi. April, ballet exam. My final exam. The final curtain call. May, mid year exams. June, MCE and concert. July, term exam. August and September, so far nothing yet. I don't know when's my practical exam. October, finals. No break at all, besides august and september, FOR NOW. Sighs. I'm so tired these day, I fall asleep the moment I hit the bed or sofa. And, I wake up later and later each day. One day I might just finally get up so late that I'm late for school. Then I'll get denda-ed or whatever they do to latecomers. Sighs.

Oh, to my super awesome cousin who stayed up late just to send me all those pictures that I needed for my moral kerja amal,

THANK YOU.

You're probably the best cousin anyone could ask for. Thank you sooooooo much for going through all the trouble just to help me get my stupid-last-minute-again work done. I love you. =)


if i gave you some coffee and doughnuts, would you turn your backs on them and do that kind of shit for me too? whatever happened to the fucking justice? why the hell are you here anyway? you're not even doing your job.


-Nic-

Besides the fact that I..

screwed add maths, killed my english summary, shot my bm, stabbed my moral, strangled my physics and dropped a nuclear bomb on my chinese, my exams went pretty well, I guess. At least I managed to pass my bio and chem. Ahh.

Had exams since monday. And, on the very first day of exam, which is also my very first form 4 exam, with Bio in it, I woke up late. AGAIN. *slaps head* Damn smart right? Thank God my house is really near to my school. I seriously have no idea what I'd do if I really go to school late on an exam day. ==

Choir tomorrow. It's been a while since I last practiced. Hah. I'm gonna be so dead. Anyway, theory exam's coming, like, real soon. 15th of march, and I haven't finished memorising all my terms yet. Shit. I guess I should be prepared to fail my theory exam again. Last time I failed was in grade 3. Hah. Oh, did I mention that I've found my grade 7 practical cert? Haha. Turns out I didn't have it at all. It was still at the jabatan with those people cause they were too lazy to mail it to me immediately. Instead, they were waiting for ME to get it. And, when I didn't go after 1 year, they finally mailed it to me. I didn't lose it after all! Hah. Teacher was just as surprised as I was when she got the cert.

Right now, I'm just really glad that I didn't fail ALL my papers. Screw add maths. I hate you. I have the feeling that I'm gonna fail my chinese as well. Wait, not a feeling. I KNOW that I'm gonna fail. Pfft.

Can't wait to go out this Sunday. I'm so lucky so have such awesome cousins. =)

-Nic-

Cards.

Came home yesterday night and rushed straight to my ballet lessons. Damn semangat right? More like damn tiring. Collapsed onto my dear bed right after I came home and slept for half an hour. Then, started facebook and stuff. Heh.

Each time I go back to penang or anywhere near my cousins, I don't want to come home. I won't cry and show tantrum like little kids tho, it's just that I berat hati to leave laa. I seldom see them, maybe once or twice a year, of course I'll miss them. Sighs. Anyway, I really need to go on that diet after the festive season's over. I look like a hippo now. All those CNY goodies, gosh. Fat fat FAT. I wonder if I'll still fit into my school uniform. Watch out people. the hippo's coming back real soon.

Oh oh oh! I finally, yes, FINALLY learned how to play 'cho dai di'! Haha. Yeah. Seriously. I FINALLY know how. Hah. I'm so happy. *smiles* After so many years, I finally understand the game. Yeah, I know. I'm dumb. Friends have been trying to teach me since standard 3, I think. Took me this long to get it. Hah. Many thanks to my awesome cousins who taught me. It sure takes a whole lot of patience to teach a dumbo like me. Thank you guys so much. Seriously. And, to my friends who tried so hard to teach me, it's not that you guys are not patient and stuff, it's just that, uhm, I was too dumb to understand. Years ago I was still young ma, my brain wasn't as good as it is now. Not that I'm smart. I'm still dumb, but not that dumb anymore.

Oh, and next time I go back, I'll make sure that I know at least one magic trick. It seems like everyone knows how to do tricks, especially with cards. Hmph. One day, just wait and see. I can do it. While I was in uncle's house, I wondered, what will all these celebrations be like after 30 years? Just this year, there were at least 8 or 9 laptops in the house. Technology. Everyone can't survive without the internet, especially facebook.

How to play mahjong?
-Go google.

I wonder how are they celebrating there in bla bla bla?
-On msn /skype! Got webcam ma, can chat and see them wan.

How was their holiday in bla bla bla ah?
-Go facebook. Got loads of pictures in there.

Eh, what is this ah? For what wan?
-Go wikipedia lor. There everything also got.

See what I mean? Oh, I'll have to learn how to play mahjong too. Every house I go to, people play mahjong. I'll get dad to teach me one day.

Found some pictures I took earlier this year in the computer. I'm not trying to be proud and all, but I gotta admit, I did a pretty good job with that grandma cardigan.

Before

and

After

Not bad eh? Haha. I'm a genius. It looks so much more better than it was before, right? Right? Right. *smiles*

By the way, went to subang parade just now. Was having dinner when the lion dance performance started. I haven't seen any lion dances this CNY. Now, everything seems more, uhm, complete? Something like that. Since small, I'll always watched at least one or two lion dances furing CNY, though I used to hide when the lions come into the house. Can't blame me laa, I was small. Those lions somehow looked scary to me. So, it's like, it doesn't seem complete without the dance. CNY didn't seem complete this year, til I saw the performance just now. Anyhoo, went shopping a lil. Saw this really nice dress, but didn't get to buy it. Sobs.

Ah, school's starting real soon. 2 more days before the torture starts again. I still haven't finished my work yet. Pfft. So much for bringing my work back during CNY. I only managed to finish 1 1/2 of my moral essay. It's almost 2am. I'm a living zombie.

Can't wait to go back and meet my cousins again. Maybe during grandma's birthday, or next year. Sighs. I love my family.

-Nic-

I just remembered just now that I need photos for my moral kerja amal. *slaps head* Now, I'm just hoping that cousin bro took pictures during our dinner and lunch and visitings, cause if he didn't, I'm probably dead meat. Stupid kerja amal. And then there's the tugasan harian and more craps. Ugh. I hate school works.

5 more minutes to 3am. I'm almost a zombie now. Sighs. I look so dead these days. Off to sleep. Nites.

-Nic-

Celebration

I know it's a lil late to wish now, but still,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR
&
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

Currently staying in Juru, not Penang. Will be going there tomorrow morn, I think. It's realy great having all my cousins around. Seriously. I just love it. And, my mum's drunk. Haha. That's something interesting. She seldom gets drunk. Probably too excited and hyper I guess. I wonder if I'll ever get dunk like that. Don't worry, I don't plan on getting drunk anytime soon.

A really short update, cause I'm not really in the mood to blog now. I just spent 2 hours this morning finishing my essay for moral chapter 5. 3 more chapters to go, and I've still got my moral assignments, more school homework, tuition work AND piano work. 2 sets of papers, and italian, german, french terms, not forgetting all those orchestra stuff. Sighs. There's also so many stuff to study for the first term exam. What a holiday huh? Seems like this whole week of 'holiday' is just for us to spend more time on studying.

I've put on weight AGAIN. Sighs. Sad case. I seriously need to go on a diet after this. Seriously. Watching This Is It again. MJ's simply awesome. It's really sad that he's gone forever now.

-Nic-

=D

I think the stye's gone. Thank goodness. One less thing to suffer during CNY. School's still on tomorrow. Sighs. I was really really really hoping that they would give us an extra holiday to cut down the traffic, but, oh well. Anyway, today's probably the day I laughed most since I came to form 4. Seriously. I laughed so hard that I had stomach cramps. But it was fun.

Ah, school tomorrow. I haven't ironed my uniform yet. Crap.

-Nic-

Stye.

Of all the time, why must the stupid infection be now?? WHY?! Stupid stye. Checked the internet to get the full meaning of 'stye' since I had no idea what it was. All I know is that there's a pimple growing on/under my eyelid. And people say that using a rice that hasn't been cooked to poke the affected area will help to reduce/cure the infection. I wasn't gonna do that cause I do not want to risk poking myself right in the eyeball. I've done that and saw the silver glitters around me for so many times already. I do not want it to happen again, especially not with a freakishly sharp, uncooked rice. Anyway, wikipedia says that a stye is:


An external stye (pronounced /ˈstaɪ/) or hordeolum (/hɔrˈdiːələm/) is an infection of the sebaceous glands of Zeis at the base of the eyelashes, or an infection of the apocrine sweat glands of Moll. External styes form on the outside of the lids and can be seen as small red bumps. Internal styes are infections of the meibomian sebaceous glands lining the inside of the eyelids. They also cause a red bump underneath the lid with only generalized redness and swelling visible on the outside. Styes are similar to chalazia, but tend to be of smaller size and are more painful (more painful? wth..) and usually produce no lasting damage. Styes are characterized by an acute onset and usually short in duration (7-10 days without treatment) compared to chalazia that are chronic and usually do not resolve without intervention.

Styes are commonly caused by a Staphylococcus aureus bacterial infection, or by the blocking of an oil gland at the base of the eyelash.

Although they are particularly common in infants, styes are experienced by people of all ages. (hell yeah..==) Styes can be triggered by stress, poor nutrition, sleep deprivation, or rubbing of the eyes. (okay, maybe I should have slept earlier and rubbed my eyes less. Sobs.) Using the same razor to shave hair near both the eyes and a mustache (i do not have a moustache and i do not shave any hair near my eyes cause i'll probably end up shaving my eyes out.) can also spread staphylococcus bacteria, potentially leading to styes or other eye infections. Sharing of washcloths or face towels should be curtailed to avoid spreading the infection between individuals. (ugh, NADINE! STOP USING MY TOWEL!) Styes will last from up to 4 days to 2 weeks (2 weeks??!!) without treatment, and only up to 1 week (please let it be less than that, i dont wanna suffer during CNY. sobs.) if treated properly. Medical professionals will sometimes lance a particularly persistent or irritating stye with a needle in order to accelerate its draining. (I always poke my eyes, but maybe, mum won't..) A stye's expansion can also be fought with erythromycin ophthalmic ointment. Medical professionals may also treat stye with other antibiotics such as chloramphenicol or Amoxicillin. Chloramphenicol is used successfully in many parts of the world but contains a box warning in the United States due to concerns about aplastic anemia, which on rare occasions can be fatal. Erythromycin ointment enjoys widespread usage and may add to comfort and aid in preventing secondary infections. However, it is poorly absorbed when used topically and usually requires oral dosing to reach the infection with therapeutic levels onside of a stye. Azasite, a topical eye drop form of Azithromycin, does appear to penetrate eyelid tissues fairly well and may be a topical treatment for styes used in the future.

If a stye bursts, care must be taken to cleanse the wound to prevent reinfection. (there'll be a reinfection? wth..)


So, I have to suffer not only a sore throat, flu, horrible ezcema and probably my period (it's a week late fyi) but also this stupid stye during CNY. What a way to celebrate. Ugh.

Skipped school today cause I my left eye wouldn't open NO THANKS to the stupid stye. Gah. And I thought that I could have full attendance this year, cause I ponteng-ed ALOT during form 3. People want to be a good student and attend school everyday, but ended up like this. Hmph. Oh yea, btw, I actually went to school for 7 days in a row last week. Monday to Friday, school. Saturday, school replacement class. Sunday, PIBG performance. Heh. I guess today'll just have to be my Saturday/Sunday/Monday rest day.

Tons of homework to do. School and tuition. UGH. Curse the person who invented homeworks. I hate you. ==

-Nic-

Elfluented.

Word of the day: ELFLUENTED
Meaning: To affect. Refer to Influenced.

Yeah. Another new word. I sure learn lots of crap from my Physics teacher. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPELL 'INFLUENCED' FOR GOODNESS SAKE!! *slaps head* Seriously. I really felt like laughing out really loud, especially when Mabel went out to correct her, and she asked Mabel HOW to spell it instead. I know, I sound mean, laughing at others mistake. But she was a freaking major in Physics! And, what year is it now? How can she NOT know how to spell something as easy as that? Why do I hate Physics? Partly because of her, and, I hate calculations. Seriously. I'd rather burn my brains out memorizing all those Biology crap than to do Physics for the rest of my life. I know I sound a lil unreasonable. Sure, we use physics almost everyday in our lives. Without physics or maths or all those calculation craps, we wouldn't have what we're having today. Still, I HATE CALCULATIONS.

Anyway, Najib and his 1Malaysia concept. What do I think bout it? I think it's crap. Want to know why? Cause there's like, racial problems everyday happening everywhere. Just today, during add maths,

"Why are you sitting with him? Change place! All Indians sitting together always talk alot!"

WTF. I know it's not really my buisness. I'm not one of those people he was scolding. But still, did you really had to mention Indians? Helloo?? Indians are not the only ones with mouths la kay? FYI, I was talking too. In fact, I ALWAYS talk during your class. Why didn't you say 'Chinese sitting together always talk alot'? Does changing places to sit with a different kind of race really help? How would it help? Different races don't talk to each other, that's why there won't be any noises? What kind of rubbish is that? How could you say that to the class? You're a TEACHER. Damn racist la you. I know, many people are racist. Still. You shouldn't have said that. Better change your bad attitude mister, before you get into huge trouble.

Anyhoo, I finally flipped open my chinese dictionary that I've owned since std 3. Yeah, last time I used it was in std 6. Never touched it since then. But, since I had to find out about so many words, yeah. Finally. My chinese is getting worse and worse. There's like, 2 out of 10 words that I can understand, while the rest are just, words. I have at least 70% of chinese homework left to do, which I won't. I'll just copy from my friends. Heh. I TRIED to do la kay. Spent the past one hour squinting at tiny words in the dictionary. Seriously. I did make an effort to finish it, but I just don't know how to do it. Not my fault. Oh, I finally got my moral homework burden off my back. Yay.! 4 essays full of craps. Hope teacher won't scold me tomorrow during class. I spent the whole afternoon and night just to finish those essays kay. Okay, I know. I wouldn't had to rush like a mad woman if I'd finished it the moment teacher gave us the assignments. But then, I really had no idea on what to write. So, I guess I'm the last-minute-only-got-idea kind of person. Too bad. Sighs.

CNY is less than 2 weeks away. Wee~! I can't wait. =)

I haven't finished my add maths tuition homework yet. Crap.

-Nic-

.

I'm really starting to have second thoughts in probably every single decision I've made now. Like, seriously. What in the world was I thinking when I picked up the pen and wrote on that paper and signed my name and handed it in? WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I don't have any of those qualities in me. Why did I do it? Thinking now, did I make the right decision? Looking at them, I feel so useless. Why can't I be more like them? I can talk and communicate with my friends, but why is it so hard for me to talk to others? They ARE my friends too, but, there's just that feeling in me that makes me feel so nervous and shaky. I thought that I could do it. I really thought that I could. I mean, I've tried it before. Those little kids were so easy and I had no stress at all with them though they sometimes don't understand what I say. But, they're just kids. It's okay if they don't understand. Piano is harder, right? There's the fingerings and all to learn. Then why do I have little problem with them but such a huge problem with what I'm supposed to do now? I'm not really doing anything and I feel stressed. Yes. STRESSED. Why? I don't know. I'm not doing anything. I'm just the stupid one who can't seem to do anything right. Then WHY AM I STRESSING OUT??? I have no freaking reasons to feel stressed. Each time I'm told to do something, I'll end up not doing it because they are so much more better at it that I am. Really. I look up to them alot. I really admire their courage and all. Ever since form 1, they've been like role models to me. It's like they've been born to do all those stuff. They've accomplished so many things. I'm already form 4, and what have I accomplished through these years? Nothing. Nothing at all. I feel so useless. Really. If I can't even trust myself, how can I expect others to trust me? Where the hell did all my confidence go? I seriously don't feel confident at all talking to everyone. It's like, ugh. I've never been so insecure and worried about my words after such a long time. Why must it happen now? Of all the time to lose my confidence and boldness, WHY NOW? Now, when I need it the most? I've already tried my best to forget about what happened in the past, and I did it. I made it. But, ever since then, I've been really careful with almost every single word that comes out of my mouth, because I don't want history to repeat again. I've already hurt one person so deeply because of my big mouth, and I don't want to do it again. I've been really careful. But, being careful doesn't mean I can't be the old happy me. Doesn't mean I can't be talkative and crazy and fun. I used to be, and I still am. But, why do I feel like it's slowly sinking away? I keep remembering the same stupid incident. UGH.

It's like I'm starting to isolate myself again. WHY? Where the hell did the person in me go? God. Where are those stars when I need them?

-Nic-