Cards.

Came home yesterday night and rushed straight to my ballet lessons. Damn semangat right? More like damn tiring. Collapsed onto my dear bed right after I came home and slept for half an hour. Then, started facebook and stuff. Heh.

Each time I go back to penang or anywhere near my cousins, I don't want to come home. I won't cry and show tantrum like little kids tho, it's just that I berat hati to leave laa. I seldom see them, maybe once or twice a year, of course I'll miss them. Sighs. Anyway, I really need to go on that diet after the festive season's over. I look like a hippo now. All those CNY goodies, gosh. Fat fat FAT. I wonder if I'll still fit into my school uniform. Watch out people. the hippo's coming back real soon.

Oh oh oh! I finally, yes, FINALLY learned how to play 'cho dai di'! Haha. Yeah. Seriously. I FINALLY know how. Hah. I'm so happy. *smiles* After so many years, I finally understand the game. Yeah, I know. I'm dumb. Friends have been trying to teach me since standard 3, I think. Took me this long to get it. Hah. Many thanks to my awesome cousins who taught me. It sure takes a whole lot of patience to teach a dumbo like me. Thank you guys so much. Seriously. And, to my friends who tried so hard to teach me, it's not that you guys are not patient and stuff, it's just that, uhm, I was too dumb to understand. Years ago I was still young ma, my brain wasn't as good as it is now. Not that I'm smart. I'm still dumb, but not that dumb anymore.

Oh, and next time I go back, I'll make sure that I know at least one magic trick. It seems like everyone knows how to do tricks, especially with cards. Hmph. One day, just wait and see. I can do it. While I was in uncle's house, I wondered, what will all these celebrations be like after 30 years? Just this year, there were at least 8 or 9 laptops in the house. Technology. Everyone can't survive without the internet, especially facebook.

How to play mahjong?
-Go google.

I wonder how are they celebrating there in bla bla bla?
-On msn /skype! Got webcam ma, can chat and see them wan.

How was their holiday in bla bla bla ah?
-Go facebook. Got loads of pictures in there.

Eh, what is this ah? For what wan?
-Go wikipedia lor. There everything also got.

See what I mean? Oh, I'll have to learn how to play mahjong too. Every house I go to, people play mahjong. I'll get dad to teach me one day.

Found some pictures I took earlier this year in the computer. I'm not trying to be proud and all, but I gotta admit, I did a pretty good job with that grandma cardigan.

Before

and

After

Not bad eh? Haha. I'm a genius. It looks so much more better than it was before, right? Right? Right. *smiles*

By the way, went to subang parade just now. Was having dinner when the lion dance performance started. I haven't seen any lion dances this CNY. Now, everything seems more, uhm, complete? Something like that. Since small, I'll always watched at least one or two lion dances furing CNY, though I used to hide when the lions come into the house. Can't blame me laa, I was small. Those lions somehow looked scary to me. So, it's like, it doesn't seem complete without the dance. CNY didn't seem complete this year, til I saw the performance just now. Anyhoo, went shopping a lil. Saw this really nice dress, but didn't get to buy it. Sobs.

Ah, school's starting real soon. 2 more days before the torture starts again. I still haven't finished my work yet. Pfft. So much for bringing my work back during CNY. I only managed to finish 1 1/2 of my moral essay. It's almost 2am. I'm a living zombie.

Can't wait to go back and meet my cousins again. Maybe during grandma's birthday, or next year. Sighs. I love my family.

-Nic-

I just remembered just now that I need photos for my moral kerja amal. *slaps head* Now, I'm just hoping that cousin bro took pictures during our dinner and lunch and visitings, cause if he didn't, I'm probably dead meat. Stupid kerja amal. And then there's the tugasan harian and more craps. Ugh. I hate school works.

5 more minutes to 3am. I'm almost a zombie now. Sighs. I look so dead these days. Off to sleep. Nites.

-Nic-

Celebration

I know it's a lil late to wish now, but still,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR
&
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

Currently staying in Juru, not Penang. Will be going there tomorrow morn, I think. It's realy great having all my cousins around. Seriously. I just love it. And, my mum's drunk. Haha. That's something interesting. She seldom gets drunk. Probably too excited and hyper I guess. I wonder if I'll ever get dunk like that. Don't worry, I don't plan on getting drunk anytime soon.

A really short update, cause I'm not really in the mood to blog now. I just spent 2 hours this morning finishing my essay for moral chapter 5. 3 more chapters to go, and I've still got my moral assignments, more school homework, tuition work AND piano work. 2 sets of papers, and italian, german, french terms, not forgetting all those orchestra stuff. Sighs. There's also so many stuff to study for the first term exam. What a holiday huh? Seems like this whole week of 'holiday' is just for us to spend more time on studying.

I've put on weight AGAIN. Sighs. Sad case. I seriously need to go on a diet after this. Seriously. Watching This Is It again. MJ's simply awesome. It's really sad that he's gone forever now.

-Nic-

=D

I think the stye's gone. Thank goodness. One less thing to suffer during CNY. School's still on tomorrow. Sighs. I was really really really hoping that they would give us an extra holiday to cut down the traffic, but, oh well. Anyway, today's probably the day I laughed most since I came to form 4. Seriously. I laughed so hard that I had stomach cramps. But it was fun.

Ah, school tomorrow. I haven't ironed my uniform yet. Crap.

-Nic-

Stye.

Of all the time, why must the stupid infection be now?? WHY?! Stupid stye. Checked the internet to get the full meaning of 'stye' since I had no idea what it was. All I know is that there's a pimple growing on/under my eyelid. And people say that using a rice that hasn't been cooked to poke the affected area will help to reduce/cure the infection. I wasn't gonna do that cause I do not want to risk poking myself right in the eyeball. I've done that and saw the silver glitters around me for so many times already. I do not want it to happen again, especially not with a freakishly sharp, uncooked rice. Anyway, wikipedia says that a stye is:


An external stye (pronounced /ˈstaɪ/) or hordeolum (/hɔrˈdiːələm/) is an infection of the sebaceous glands of Zeis at the base of the eyelashes, or an infection of the apocrine sweat glands of Moll. External styes form on the outside of the lids and can be seen as small red bumps. Internal styes are infections of the meibomian sebaceous glands lining the inside of the eyelids. They also cause a red bump underneath the lid with only generalized redness and swelling visible on the outside. Styes are similar to chalazia, but tend to be of smaller size and are more painful (more painful? wth..) and usually produce no lasting damage. Styes are characterized by an acute onset and usually short in duration (7-10 days without treatment) compared to chalazia that are chronic and usually do not resolve without intervention.

Styes are commonly caused by a Staphylococcus aureus bacterial infection, or by the blocking of an oil gland at the base of the eyelash.

Although they are particularly common in infants, styes are experienced by people of all ages. (hell yeah..==) Styes can be triggered by stress, poor nutrition, sleep deprivation, or rubbing of the eyes. (okay, maybe I should have slept earlier and rubbed my eyes less. Sobs.) Using the same razor to shave hair near both the eyes and a mustache (i do not have a moustache and i do not shave any hair near my eyes cause i'll probably end up shaving my eyes out.) can also spread staphylococcus bacteria, potentially leading to styes or other eye infections. Sharing of washcloths or face towels should be curtailed to avoid spreading the infection between individuals. (ugh, NADINE! STOP USING MY TOWEL!) Styes will last from up to 4 days to 2 weeks (2 weeks??!!) without treatment, and only up to 1 week (please let it be less than that, i dont wanna suffer during CNY. sobs.) if treated properly. Medical professionals will sometimes lance a particularly persistent or irritating stye with a needle in order to accelerate its draining. (I always poke my eyes, but maybe, mum won't..) A stye's expansion can also be fought with erythromycin ophthalmic ointment. Medical professionals may also treat stye with other antibiotics such as chloramphenicol or Amoxicillin. Chloramphenicol is used successfully in many parts of the world but contains a box warning in the United States due to concerns about aplastic anemia, which on rare occasions can be fatal. Erythromycin ointment enjoys widespread usage and may add to comfort and aid in preventing secondary infections. However, it is poorly absorbed when used topically and usually requires oral dosing to reach the infection with therapeutic levels onside of a stye. Azasite, a topical eye drop form of Azithromycin, does appear to penetrate eyelid tissues fairly well and may be a topical treatment for styes used in the future.

If a stye bursts, care must be taken to cleanse the wound to prevent reinfection. (there'll be a reinfection? wth..)


So, I have to suffer not only a sore throat, flu, horrible ezcema and probably my period (it's a week late fyi) but also this stupid stye during CNY. What a way to celebrate. Ugh.

Skipped school today cause I my left eye wouldn't open NO THANKS to the stupid stye. Gah. And I thought that I could have full attendance this year, cause I ponteng-ed ALOT during form 3. People want to be a good student and attend school everyday, but ended up like this. Hmph. Oh yea, btw, I actually went to school for 7 days in a row last week. Monday to Friday, school. Saturday, school replacement class. Sunday, PIBG performance. Heh. I guess today'll just have to be my Saturday/Sunday/Monday rest day.

Tons of homework to do. School and tuition. UGH. Curse the person who invented homeworks. I hate you. ==

-Nic-

Elfluented.

Word of the day: ELFLUENTED
Meaning: To affect. Refer to Influenced.

Yeah. Another new word. I sure learn lots of crap from my Physics teacher. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPELL 'INFLUENCED' FOR GOODNESS SAKE!! *slaps head* Seriously. I really felt like laughing out really loud, especially when Mabel went out to correct her, and she asked Mabel HOW to spell it instead. I know, I sound mean, laughing at others mistake. But she was a freaking major in Physics! And, what year is it now? How can she NOT know how to spell something as easy as that? Why do I hate Physics? Partly because of her, and, I hate calculations. Seriously. I'd rather burn my brains out memorizing all those Biology crap than to do Physics for the rest of my life. I know I sound a lil unreasonable. Sure, we use physics almost everyday in our lives. Without physics or maths or all those calculation craps, we wouldn't have what we're having today. Still, I HATE CALCULATIONS.

Anyway, Najib and his 1Malaysia concept. What do I think bout it? I think it's crap. Want to know why? Cause there's like, racial problems everyday happening everywhere. Just today, during add maths,

"Why are you sitting with him? Change place! All Indians sitting together always talk alot!"

WTF. I know it's not really my buisness. I'm not one of those people he was scolding. But still, did you really had to mention Indians? Helloo?? Indians are not the only ones with mouths la kay? FYI, I was talking too. In fact, I ALWAYS talk during your class. Why didn't you say 'Chinese sitting together always talk alot'? Does changing places to sit with a different kind of race really help? How would it help? Different races don't talk to each other, that's why there won't be any noises? What kind of rubbish is that? How could you say that to the class? You're a TEACHER. Damn racist la you. I know, many people are racist. Still. You shouldn't have said that. Better change your bad attitude mister, before you get into huge trouble.

Anyhoo, I finally flipped open my chinese dictionary that I've owned since std 3. Yeah, last time I used it was in std 6. Never touched it since then. But, since I had to find out about so many words, yeah. Finally. My chinese is getting worse and worse. There's like, 2 out of 10 words that I can understand, while the rest are just, words. I have at least 70% of chinese homework left to do, which I won't. I'll just copy from my friends. Heh. I TRIED to do la kay. Spent the past one hour squinting at tiny words in the dictionary. Seriously. I did make an effort to finish it, but I just don't know how to do it. Not my fault. Oh, I finally got my moral homework burden off my back. Yay.! 4 essays full of craps. Hope teacher won't scold me tomorrow during class. I spent the whole afternoon and night just to finish those essays kay. Okay, I know. I wouldn't had to rush like a mad woman if I'd finished it the moment teacher gave us the assignments. But then, I really had no idea on what to write. So, I guess I'm the last-minute-only-got-idea kind of person. Too bad. Sighs.

CNY is less than 2 weeks away. Wee~! I can't wait. =)

I haven't finished my add maths tuition homework yet. Crap.

-Nic-

.

I'm really starting to have second thoughts in probably every single decision I've made now. Like, seriously. What in the world was I thinking when I picked up the pen and wrote on that paper and signed my name and handed it in? WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I don't have any of those qualities in me. Why did I do it? Thinking now, did I make the right decision? Looking at them, I feel so useless. Why can't I be more like them? I can talk and communicate with my friends, but why is it so hard for me to talk to others? They ARE my friends too, but, there's just that feeling in me that makes me feel so nervous and shaky. I thought that I could do it. I really thought that I could. I mean, I've tried it before. Those little kids were so easy and I had no stress at all with them though they sometimes don't understand what I say. But, they're just kids. It's okay if they don't understand. Piano is harder, right? There's the fingerings and all to learn. Then why do I have little problem with them but such a huge problem with what I'm supposed to do now? I'm not really doing anything and I feel stressed. Yes. STRESSED. Why? I don't know. I'm not doing anything. I'm just the stupid one who can't seem to do anything right. Then WHY AM I STRESSING OUT??? I have no freaking reasons to feel stressed. Each time I'm told to do something, I'll end up not doing it because they are so much more better at it that I am. Really. I look up to them alot. I really admire their courage and all. Ever since form 1, they've been like role models to me. It's like they've been born to do all those stuff. They've accomplished so many things. I'm already form 4, and what have I accomplished through these years? Nothing. Nothing at all. I feel so useless. Really. If I can't even trust myself, how can I expect others to trust me? Where the hell did all my confidence go? I seriously don't feel confident at all talking to everyone. It's like, ugh. I've never been so insecure and worried about my words after such a long time. Why must it happen now? Of all the time to lose my confidence and boldness, WHY NOW? Now, when I need it the most? I've already tried my best to forget about what happened in the past, and I did it. I made it. But, ever since then, I've been really careful with almost every single word that comes out of my mouth, because I don't want history to repeat again. I've already hurt one person so deeply because of my big mouth, and I don't want to do it again. I've been really careful. But, being careful doesn't mean I can't be the old happy me. Doesn't mean I can't be talkative and crazy and fun. I used to be, and I still am. But, why do I feel like it's slowly sinking away? I keep remembering the same stupid incident. UGH.

It's like I'm starting to isolate myself again. WHY? Where the hell did the person in me go? God. Where are those stars when I need them?

-Nic-