Police?

So, our sivik teacher asked us the other what our 'hala tuju jangka pendek dan panjang' was. Something to do with our aim and stuff. The whole class was talking and thinking bout theirs, while I just sat there blabbing out dumb ideas. Seriously. I had no idea what my aim is. We didn't really know what our aim is, but I was the most clueless one there. At least everyone had a rough idea of what they want. What do I want? Don't know. Teacher wouldn't let us use 'good results for SPM' cause the first 2 students have already said that. We then decided on O/A levels (i forgot), good university, good college, after which some of them couldn't be used because other people used it already for a few times. When it was my turn, I just blabbed out 'Short term, I hope to get at least a B for St. John. Long term, I want to be a musician.' Yeah, way to go nic. Musician? a B? Okay, maybe the B wasn't that bad. I got a C last year cause I wasn't that active. But I had my own reasons laa. But still, I couldn't think of any short term aim I want. What do I want? I want to be able to drive, I guess. What do I really want in the future? I have no idea. You know, it's kinda funny now when I look back at my report card back then in primary. Wonder why? Take a look.


2001 - Doctor, Teacher, Police
2002- Doctor, Police, Teacher
2003- Scientist, Teacher, Doctor
2004- Doctor, Singer, Scientist
2005- Doctor, Singer, Scientist
2006- Doctor, Singer, Nurse


Forget bout the police thing. I don't even remember why I wanted to be a police when I was in std 1 and 2. I can't imagine myself as a police in the future now. Being a scientist seemed kinda fun to me back then. Cause I thought that mixing chemicals into a few bottles and making the whole lab explode was fun. I didn't know that there was so many stuff to remember back then. I didn't even know what was a beaker for goodness sake. And, I guess my teachers kinda inspired me to be like them. Especially my std 2 teacher. She made scolding and humiliating other students seem so easy. Not that I want to be a bully like her, I just didn't want to get BULLIED. Yeah, I was kinda a bully victim. Scratch that. Then, the idea of being a singer came into my head because I watched too much MTV. And, my kakak always talked to me about other singers, especially Akon. She loved his voice, but I don't. I didn't like his voice back then, and I still don't like it now. Yeah, sure, there's something about his voice that when you hear it, you'll know it's him immediately. But that doesn't mean you have to like him cause of that, right? I mean, I can recognise almost any artists' voice when I hear it, doesn't mean I like all of them. Though I love Taylor Swift. She's awesome. Anyway, the one that I never changed was being a doctor. It was always my first choice, except in std 3 cause I really wanted to blow up a lab. Stupid. Yes, I know. I was a stupid 9-year-old who watched too much cartoons and crazy shows like Mr. Bean. Now I know why my mum doesn't like us watching it. (yup, she banned us from watching that show cause she thinks he's an idiot, though he's a prof.)

Me and my stupid ideas. But then, if I had something in mind when I was still a kid, shouldn't I have something to aim for now that I'm older? I mean, my brain should be growing maturely and have a better sense in making decisions, right? Then why am I still so lost? Even my sister already knows what she wants to be. Ugh. I hate my brain, sometimes, when it doesn't function nicely.

Science's killing me. I'm starting to get lost, ALREADY. And, I'm freaking tired. I almost couldn't wake up this morning. Thank goodness the morning prayers were loud enough to wake me up. I'm hungry. Off to hunt for food. Heh.

-Nic-